Fear
by Aleka
Summary: Set before they begin to plan the murder--Justin is tutouring Richard in Biology, and they get off track.


"Define osmosis."

Richard Haywood let his fingers skim through his perfectly unkempt hair. "Justin, I've had enough of this crap. Close that damn book."

"Richard, do you want to fail?" Justin Pendleton sighed. 

"Don't ask stupid questions you know the answers to."

Justin lowered his gaze and gently shut his Biology textbook. "Yeah. Sorry. I know you couldn't fail."

"That's very kind of you," Richard chuckled. 

That grin. That stupid, cocky, arrogant, endearing grin. Just hated it so much when Richard looked at him with that cruel and mocking smile. But sometimes he'd dream about it. And he lived off of those dreams. 

"So should I go?" he asked. "Since you've tired of my company and all."

"I didn't tire of your company," Richard said. "I'm just sick of talking about fuckin cell division."

"I see."

After stretching languidly, Richard stood up from his bed and paced for awhile. 

"Will you please pick a spot and stay there?" Justin asked irritably. He didn't like how Richard pacing around him like a caged animal made him feel like prey. 

"Do I make you nervous?" he asked, his voice deliberately innocent, from somewhere behind him. 

He murmured, "Yes, you make me nervous."

Richard nodded, that ever-present smirk silent upon his face. "What scares you, Justin?"

"What?" Justin turned his swivel chair in a slow circle to face him. 

"Just making conversation." He looked so infuriatingly cheerful. "I'm just wondering about what scares you."

__

You.

He wanted to say it but couldn't. Instead, after a lengthy hesitation, he shot back, "What scares _you_, Richard?"

"Heights," he laughed. "You."

"_Me?_"

"You're so stupid," Richard told him brusquely.

"What did I do?" Justin asked, offended. As much as he tried not to admit it to himself, Richard's opinion of him molded his own opinion of himself. Why did he have to think he was stupid?

"You're so smart that it scares me, you idiot." Shaking his head in disgust, he said, "Why don't you ever use how much you know for stuff that's not school related? Talking to you is like torture. I keep waiting for you to blow me away by saying something that you really mean, something that you didn't read out of a goddamn book. You really could be something incredible, but you are just too fucking scared to show even _me_ what you're capable of. It's sickening, you know. And I want to know what is scaring you so bad."

"I wish you wouldn't talk to me like that," Justin said feebly, standing up. 

"Don't be weak! I hear it in your voice!" Richard yelled, ramming him up against the wall roughly. He pressed his forearm across Justin's chest, and he raised his knee to dig into the other boy's leg. "_Don't be weak!_"

Breathing unevenly, Justin raised his chin squarely and glared at him. His breathing sounded nearly asthmatic as he slowly came to the realization that he didn't want Richard to let him go.

"What are you so scared of?" Richard whispered, in a voice coated and dripping with poison, leaning in so close that his lips tickled Justin's ear. "Is it me?"

"You're hurting me…"

"Talk to me…tell me what you're afraid of…"

"I can't!"

Richard's lips caught Justin's, kissing him harshly. 

Justin struggled, jerking his head away. "No!" he pleaded, trying to free himself from his grasp. 

But Richard held his wrists against the wall, looking at him critically with his dancing eyes and his ridiculing grin. "Don't give me 'no,' Justin. You can't possibly think that you've hidden all those glances you steal; all those blushes from when I just smile at you. You've wanted this for as long as we've known each other. Do not say _no_." He kissed him again, and this time, Justin kissed him back. 

They broke apart breathlessly, and Justin said, "It's you that scares me. I don't want to screw up and have you hate me for it. I don't want to say something from my heart, because it will just be about you, and I'll chase you away."

"Say anything." Richard took a step back, putting a few fingers to his lips. They felt bruised and violated but he did not mind. When Justin stepped closer to him, he wrapped his arms around his shoulders, feeling vulnerable for the first time in his life. 

"Richard, you're shaking."

Yes, he was. Like a leaf. He was not gay, and what he was allowing himself to feel for Justin made him feel nervous and not in control. But at the same time…he knew that now he was even _more_ in control of Justin. 

Justin said, "I love you, is that okay?"

"Yeah," Richard told him, smiling. "It's okay."


End file.
